Will my marriage crumble if I have weight loss surgery?

People ask this question a lot.  I would also get asked this question when I met someone who just lost a child.  “I’ve heard that such big changes can end my marriage! Is that true?”  Well, yes and no. 

Just like having another baby won’t “fix” a failing marriage (we’ve all seen that one, right?) losing a baby or losing 100 lbs does not mean that you will get divorced.  It is tough, true.  BUT, the advice I give people is that if your marriage is bad, it will probably get worse.  If it is good, it will probably stay the same or get better.  I don’t want to simplify it and only you both know if your marriage is “bad” or “good” or if it will be bad or good in hindsight. But, losing a ton of weight or having a ton of grief changes people and for two people to come out unscathed there has to be a lot of respect, trust, understanding, and a good foundation to the marriage.  If that’s not there, well? I mean, WLS or having a new baby or having a baby die never *fixes* a failing marriage.  We can all agree on that, right?

I guess we need to look at the reasons for wanting surgery in the first place.  Is it to make your husband jealous?  Are you not getting enough attention? Or do you want to be happy and healthy?  How do you think that you will react to the new attention you’re getting from people of the gender that you find attractive?  (See that I didn’t assume that you were straight! See what I did there? 🙂  ) These are questions to think about before surgery because if you follow the program you WILL lose weight. You may not get skinny, you may not keep it all off, but your self esteem might change and life could get different.  Your spouse might feel left out.  He/she might feel unattractive now.  Maybe you are talking about food and diet and carbs too much and that is boring to him/her. 

So, it’s a good thing to wonder about but honestly, I cannot tell you for sure.  You’ll have to work at it.  But if you already have good communication skills —  you’re doing great!

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3 thoughts on “Will my marriage crumble if I have weight loss surgery?

  1. I had my VSG in July 2012. By September I had moved home to live with my parents. My husband ended our marriage. We had issues years prior to even getting married, which landed us in therapy for awhile. Things weren’t perfect, but we thought we were on the right path to getting things back to how they’d once been. Boy was I wrong. After surgery (which btw, my husband was at a music festival the whole week I had my surgery, my mother had to stay and take care of me while he was off dancing in mud with his buddies) he became jealous, and asked if I’d done it to meet men. I’d gotten the surgery to be HEALTHY and — honestly — finally get pregnant! I thought we’d faced our problems head on and were ready to start the next chapter together. I was wrong 😦 next week I will be in divorce court, 117 pounds less than I weighed a year ago. Am I proud of how far I’ve come? Absolutely! Do I wish I’d had him to support me the whole way? Of course. Do I think I would have done this well If we’d stayed together? Who knows… All I know is, my life is totally different now. I just turned 30, I’ve got two jobs, great friends, a loving family, and I’m taking care of myself. I’m stronger than I’ve ever been as an adult — emotionally and physically.

    I hope no one else has to go through this, but I’m realistic, and I know they will. Just know, you’ll always land on your feet. Take it one day at a time. Don’t look ahead and wonder how you will manage, just try and get through the day. And always eat your protein first 😉

    • In spite of all the divorce stuff, it sounds like you are doing great otherwise! Yay you! 🙂 The muddy music festival would have been a big red flag for me! You are 30 and your life is just beginning! That is awesome. 😀

      And I just had some jerky for breakfast. Haha! 🙂

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